Oh get over yourself and your fiendish movie-grab memes, you fucking hipsters. I don’t care how sad and lonely you are, and neither does anyone else.
Here’s some things I never understood: Girls who think they’re living in a Disney movie, how hypocrites manage to live in a hole and not smell the shit surrounding them, and how 90% of the Male population is content with being less than mediocre.
There’s a distinct difference between ranting in the open and ranting in the dark.
Ranting in the dark happens when you don’t want to be found out. Ranting in the open draws out the ones who don’t want to be found out.
Here’s another thing about that kind of rant; It takes two down there. A dull mind is a poor prosthesis for being half a man.
Sticking feathers up your butt doesn’t make you a chicken.
- Tyler Durden in Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome, like when an Indian man flips prata and tears it in half, but he still insists that he’s the best prata tosser around even though he doesn’t make enough to feed his family.
I am a man. I am a cliche. I am about to tell my story through a series of disconnected but (hopefully) artful narratives.
I am self-confident. Can you tell yet? Or do I have to ask you more questions in a bid to convince you of my swagger?
I am feeding you incoherent pseudo-philosophical bullshit about the meaning of life in this sentence, in the hope the hope that I will come across as a counterculture advocate. Holy hell, I am so fucking creative that I can feel the originality spilling out of my ass. In this sentence, I will talk about things completely removed from my previous point, as if I had any, and pray that you will make some kind of connection for yourself. Maybe I will get a “hell yeah, props!” for my trouble. I thrive on inadequacy, please don’t expose me now.
Here I will attempt to convince you that I have a reason for being a broody fuck. Many years ago I was sitting along in a completely desolate space pretending to contemplate the great mysteries of life. And then it came to me — complete nonsense. I realised that babbling on about something arbitrary and confusing made me sound smart. Gee, I hope the people listening to me agree, it would really kill my cool factor if they didn’t. I’m trying it out on you now, but you can’t tell ‘cos I like cooler music than you do.
*raids ex-girlfriend’s mp3 collection*
*scans frantically for an obscure-sounding band name to reference*
*oh shit I can’t find anything*
I’ve run out of references to plagiarize, so I’m going to rely on my glib tongue now. Hey guess what? I’m the rubber you’re the glue, etc etc. HA! Oh dayum I am so creative with this shit. I am sitting in front of my computer right now with a victorious smirk on my face because I have successfully outmaneuvered you with my insane verbal smut.
Shit it’s 2.30am, time to get back to jacking off. I’m going to tell you that my true love awaits now, because things like that are only worthy of choice specimens like myself. Please don’t retaliate! I don’t want to stick any more post-it notes into my learner’s thesaurus.
p.s. Before that, here’s my latest mix on soundcloud. Please tell my how great my skillz r. I have a tiny wiener and i get off on people praising me for beatmatching club bangers from 2008. Spread the love ya’ll (Did I say that right? I hope I did. Oh damn, did my cool points just get cut again? Fuck.)
This is easily one of the most amazing ads I’ve seen lately.